joy and sorrow | swimming in circles | drowning in the flood | sipping from the cup that overflows | this IS my Father's world!
I am so very tired. Have you ever been so physically tired but not sleepy? It is a strange feeling to be physically tired and not able to fall fast asleep. Maybe it is my insomnia playing tricks again.
DOINK!
We are trying hard to find a new place to live in a certain time frame. There really is not anything listed here that is suitable.
DOINK!
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I can not decide if I do not have any words or if I have too many words. I am having a hard time processing these past seven days. So I guess this post will be a bit of a stream of consciousness (or maybe unconsciousness).
Last Tuesday a storm came through here. We were prepared for a rough night. The weather channel said to be prepared for terrible storms and possible tornadoes. I was in torment for the safety of my children.
Years ago (April ’94 to October ’95) we lived in a barn (yes, a real barn with horse stalls and a tack room/office under us) that was right in the path of what was known for our [then] local tornado alley. If a storm came through Lamar County, MS it was going to go over us in that barn. One night was particularly bad when we didn’t know a tornado ridden storm was coming through. I awoke to the sounds of loud horror! RevMrKnowTea does NOT sleep lightly. I shook him, I yelled at him, finally punched him in the chest to awaken him and tell him I was going downstairs to the stalls. By the time I got him awake the tree ten feet from our window was being twisted and snapped in two. We raced down the steps into the office and tackle storage area of the barn. we listened as the horror passed right over us.
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I have had a few questions lately about why I chose a porcupinefish as my avatar. I decided to take a moment to answer that in a post.
After my bad news Monday morning I realized I needed a time out, or a time in. I sometimes refer to my needing to step away and think as a time in. It is often necessary for me to stop and think inwardly about what is going on (good or bad) and process it before I act or say anything. It is better to respond than to react. Unless, of course, there’s a car wreck or a fire or a drowning person who needs your immediate help and your instincts kick in and your reaction becomes a life saving one. Then by all means REACT!
I found myself more than upset by the bad news of the non-delivery of my new washing machine and the lack of concern or care from the store employee to correct the situation. After the weeks of going to the laundromat and the multitude of items having been vomited on that needed washing I needed wanted that dryer right then. I don’t describe myself as a porcupinefish just because it’s comical.
The porcupinefish is adorable. I mean it, really. Who doesn’t think this face is cute?
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The first thing I want to say is that I am sorry. I am so sorry you are hurting. I am so sorry your husband is without a job. I am so sorry your life is a struggle right now.
I am so sorry you think I am not grateful. I am so sorry I have led you, or anyone else, to think I am not grateful. I am sorry that life has put you in a place that has led you to become bitter and hurt by my tweet that said I had a wish list.
I ache for you. I ache that you are hurting. I ache that you found it necessary to hide behind anonymity. I ache that you thought you could not say to me what you really want to say out right. I ache that you hurt so badly that the only release you had was to attack someone else. I ache because I know that pain! I am not pleased with some of my past behavior. I can not change the past I can only learn from my regret and move forward
Here’s the actual tweet for you to reread and for those who want to understand more. Including a screen shot of some conversational tweets that went along with that one. A bit more of the bigger picture.
I am sorry that you think it is not OK for me to have a wish list or a desire for something. My tweet did not ask for you or anyone else to buy that for me. As a matter of fact it was an extension of my own thought regarding a post from last month that asked for input/reviews on said items. You can read that in this post. Saying I want something is very different from buying it. I know you know the difference and I know you have wants and desires, too. It is human nature. I have been looking at these for about two years. I was not aware sharing a desire would be such a problem.
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